Sylvia was Sandy’s NLP trainer. An ex-banker who had reinvented herself, she soul searched for more than five years to find meaning in life.
As she meandered through her journey, her decisions led to having different people around her. Her language was more influential, a far cry from the tactless, straight forward style she had walked away from. Her posture and outlook to life had transformed. Beginning to realise she was also attracting different types of people like Sandy, John and Sara who were also on that same path. Intuitively they knew she would be able to help as everything she said was like music to their ears. They needed guidance from someone like her who had been there, done that! And so they signed up for her NLP Practitioner program which was an international certification. Sandy and Sara wanted to start their own business and needed coaching skills. John was a corporate man who managed a team and his desire was to transfer coaching skills to them. Sylvia began with an opener “it was Norman Vincent Peale who said change your thoughts and you change your world.” There was no shortage of advice on the benefits of this on the internet, in books, seminars, courses and workshops. Sylvia went on to add that she was going to share the HOW TO make that change. Change had to come from within. Anything otherwise was considered coercion. Thoughts were the result of a constant ebb and flow between the conscious and unconscious minds. They gave rise to emotions which dictated how we felt. They were powerful beyond measure. Even long after an upsetting event or situation, there were times when these thoughts still took precedence. It was so important to be aware of thoughts that drove us so that they could be changed, if needed. This was the first step to change yet Sylvia found in her experience, many people allowed their thoughts to control them. This is where she played. Bringing thoughts to awareness, for people who wanted change in their performance. Re-directing the brain to achieve something different to what they were doing. The best part about all this was that it was easy to make that change. As long as a person identified where their thoughts emanated from. Was it their ego or voices from the past? Voices of parents, authority figures, siblings or friends? Were they stored neatly away in compartments or scattered any which way? In the course of one of her programs, Sylvia related how she met a lady who was in her forties. She had everything going for her but somehow sabotaged herself at the end. She never achieved her goals. Through the course Sylvia uncovered her emotional strategy to reveal that she did all the right things but sabotaged herself only at the end. A voice in her head was the blockage. When asked whose voice it was, she revealed in horror “oh my God it’s my mother’s voice”. Her mother had put her down from childhood and told her she would amount to nothing. As soon as she realized that same voice was playing in her mind she wondered why she had not realised this earlier. This was often the case in Sylvia’s experience. Like a carpenter who knew where to cut wood and how to piece it together, Sylvia was a master of the mind. She knew where the internal knots were and how to untie them. Sylvia merely worked with the strategy of what was not working and blew it out to release the person to freedom. Understanding behavior patterns were crucial. The source of thought patterns needed to be eradicated. Sylvia had observed that most people were on autopilot which did not augur well for introspection. On the other side of the coin those who were unleashing their full potential via changing mindsets, were doing so successfully just from a simple thing like identifying their driver thought patterns. Best of all these change processes were easy to transfer across to others, so they could replicate talent. Ultimately it was important to take that first step and just do it!
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Richard’s spousal relationship made a significant turnaround fast. He was shocked at the rapid changes both he and his wife experienced. Overnight they were both on a different level. It was a miracle!
But then again was it? In the back of his mind his NLP coach Sandy’s voice rang loud and clear. She had said that as he hit session 3 or so, he would begin to see phenomenal changes. His internal radar was re-orientating. Over years of working with leadership teams, the one common factor that lay ahead as a sticky point was how to get in bed with the new generations.
Most leadership teams comprised IQ driven leaders who were struggling with the newness of what was expected of them. Those who acknowledged their lack of fit for the future hired coaches. Others enforced authority even more, allowing ego to take center stage. Senior executives know their words carry weight. They're often scrutinised, and have the power to either positively influence or alienate people. Executive communication, if done well, can inspire and yield positive business results. If done badly, it could ruin careers and organisations.
It’s Not About You! Memorable Presentations Are About Your Relationship With The Audience.19/6/2023 It’s very common for me to hear clients wanting to improve their presentation skills exclaim “I want to be less nervous”, “I want to stand out and be noticed”, “I want to be remembered”
These phrases are often used during our scoping exercises where clients explain that they need executive presence at the workplace and most often, fixate on themselves rather than turn their attention outward to their audiences. Knowing “when to” continue or stop is an art in itself. Relationships dive into murky waters when people over-step their boundaries. So what are boundaries and how do we help ourselves stay within the realms of safety.
A good way to begin is to check boundaries physically. Have someone walk towards you and notice how close you will let them come before you feel your space invaded. A growing body of research shows that organisations with diverse teams that work well together achieve increased profitability, are more innovative, have stronger governance and better problem-solving abilities.
In fact, a 2018 Boston Consulting Group Study found that companies with more diverse management teams have 19 per cent higher revenues due to innovation. It makes sense. Each employee has the potential to bring to bear his or her own perspectives, ideas and experiences and these can be powerful in creating tailored solutions for a diverse clientele. A surge of mental health issues surfaced as Covid measures drove us into isolation. It acted as a trigger for organisations to address workplace mental health as a business imperative, post-pandemic.
Forget yoga classes, gym memberships and mindfulness apps. More and more organisations are realising that beyond ticking boxes, these do little to address mental health issues at work.
Yet many continue to employ these band-aid solutions instead of attending to issues at source which are unfortunately shoved in the “too hard” basket. Since the pandemic, mental health support has gone from a nice-to-have to a business imperative. If you think that people reach high performance without specific strategies, think again. Whether it be leadership or presentation, they reach the top of their game through sheer hard work, a resilient attitude and a structured approach.
The mental game once learnt, is there for life. So why not acquire it and create a career path you would like. Having an edge over others means assured success to your competition. The word “emotional” incites an image of a person losing their cool, off the normal spectrum of what is deemed acceptable. It is a word that is misconstrued by so many who veer away from their emotions.
I am usually on the receiving end of these people as I respond to the question “What field of work are you in?” Interestingly, I say as a Master Trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) that I help people get in touch with their emotions. I elevate their emotional intelligence which is an innate sense given to all of us, left untapped by many. What makes top sales performers crush quotas? The answer is CONSISTENCY! They know what they are doing and they repeat their performance over and over again.
I came to realise this when I began my adventure with Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). An epistemology (knowing how we know what we know), this field sat at the very heart of high performance. Do you have a secret weapon in your toolbox? Your unique way of charming your clients? Or a deep repertoire of skills perhaps? Why not add another powerful weapon? A winning mindset.
In order to beat your competition and come out trumps, your winning mindset is the single most important thing that will guarantee consistent results. A powerful tool available to salespeople, to gain advantage in any deal or conversation. So you’ve got your customer in the palm of your hand. Having checked in on needs and values you are now ready to close the deal. But wait, have you emphasized value over price?
How does buying your product solve their problem? Reaching a deep need and solving it for the customer far outweighs price. It takes a heavy weight off their shoulders. Price has now become a secondary consideration. We are selling something every single day of our lives. Whether it is a concept, an idea, a product or a service, selling is at the heart of every business. The salesman who closes deals effortlessly is one who understands the art of selling.
Exercising behavioural flexibility to match each client’s personality and style is paramount to achieving consistent results. So, it pays to learn and acquire sharp skills for this level of performance. As an NLP Trainer I have worked with many teams over the years, where many stakeholders wanted me to help them create high performance teams.
These were exciting assignments for me. I knew it would be highly visible to see the difference between starting point and end of project. Unleashing potential in an individual was thrilling enough, what more a team! Observing team dynamics over many years of consulting, having also been trained to work with the unconscious mind, I realised in many occurrences of miscommunication, that the root cause came from the mis-use of language.
So simple and fundamental to this, is the use of positive rather than negative language. As I command someone to “not think of a pink elephant” that can’t possibly happen. You can’t not do something. I have just instructed you (at the unconscious level), to create a picture, sound and feeling of a pink elephant. Conflict in the workplace is a given so it’s time to get comfortable with it. Seeing arguments, disagreements and misunderstandings as run of the mill daily occurrences, will create a mindset that is ready to take anything on.
It’s all part of communication problems at work that are to be expected when a group of people get together for a common outcome. The diversity of minds makes me curious and accepting as a team manager. In my years of installing NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) tools in the workplace, I have come across a large percentage of team managers possessing inadequate strategies to unleash the best performance from their teams. Often team members are expected to perform and meet KPI’s that have no or little support as to “how to” make goals happen.
For today’s context, it isn’t sufficient to just be a headcount with a title of Team Leader / Manager, if your intention is to produce exceptional performance. The bigger job is to understand behaviour, elevating teams to bigger outcomes. It was Boss’s Day and I was listening to talkback radio. Driving out to do a keynote address to heads of private banks, my mind was intrigued by the string of callers responding.
Some loved their bosses and others dreading the day, as they felt compelled to take their bosses out to lunch. There was one caller who stood out. She said she did not really like her job but had stayed on for six years solely due to her boss! “People are our greatest asset” a statement often heard at town hall gatherings and from the mouth of senior decision makers. Yet not remembered as time goes by. In fact rather easily forgotten.
In the past deepening employee engagement was seen as the job of Human Resources. Not anymore though. Today it has become an all-encompassing organizational initiative and ultimately the responsibility of all business channels. A friend of mine asked her daughter as she graduated from University “what would you like to do” and her rapid response was “I’d like to work as a stewardess at Virgin Airlines.
After years of guiding her child to success, she was taken aback. When asked what led to her decision, she replied “I’d like to meet Richard Branson someday” That is what I call an inspirational leader. Looking back on my career as an employee I had the pleasure of working with many leaders. There were intermittent bad ones no doubt but in the main most were the reason I woke up in the morning to go to work. When life as an employee ended, my entrepreneurial skills included sifting for good leaders. I knew good leadership from afar and knew that if they bought my services, they would be a pleasure to serve. Looking back now as a Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Trainer and business owner for 21 years, I know the traits that make a good leader. I attempt to explain these to you but they are by no means exhaustive. You could add to my discussion I am sure.
Self-Growth A good leader has to believe in continuous learning for self, and others working in the team. This includes keeping current with the environment and what it calls out for. In today’s world, resilience and adaptive capabilities sound out as number one on the list. Communication Language verbal and non-verbal can make or break a leader. Learning language that is two-way and influencing far outweighs directive language, though in some instances the latter is called for and needed. Spiritual Intelligence Far greater than the power of academic excellence comes the ability to inspire, be passionate and purposeful. This requires guided expertise to tap into for a leader’s identity is dormant until activated. Only once these are achieved is a leader truly able to develop people down the line effectively. The need to set up coaching infrastructures, giving managers the skills to coach and individuals the ability to self-manage. A client situation comes to mind. Using NLP tools and techniques, everyone down the line were given coaching skills in tranches over a period of eight months or so. It was striking to see how groups of people motivated themselves to achieve high performance. It was like lightning, how people awakened to their own sense of power. The leader knew he had done his job, admitting to me that he could finally do his real work of taking the organization where it needed to go. He had stopped the flow of people into his office. They were armed with applicable tools that heightened their performance and gave them edge over competitors. Wasn’t that what every leader should be doing? Looking back as a consultant offering organisations’ services, I observed the following traits about leaders who hired me. They were;
Unlike most organisations that hire trainers to fulfil a “tick the box” exercise, these clients culled all other training to make way for budgets and give their people life skills beyond work. This to me was what leadership was about. Giving people skills to do the job then having them perform. I saw too many organisations do the exact opposite. Once their Emotional & Spiritual Intelligences had sparked, they became unstoppable. My question is wouldn’t every organization want that?
The action of leading a group of people or an organisation.” That's how the Oxford Dictionary defines leadership. In simple words, leadership is about taking risks and challenging the status quo. Leaders motivate others to achieve something new and better. I see the words passion and purpose so much today. I don’t think my parents ever thought of living their lives charged with these concepts, in the forefront of their minds. But looking back on their lives, they did live with passion and purpose.
We were lucky enough to have a family where joy and laughter prevailed amidst the seriousness of excelling in studies. Not everyone came from that type of family though. So the New Year has arrived and you are hopefully wondering how to manifest a life that you love. You may think this is only for the elite few who are lucky. What if I told you luck is created?
There is a formula and strategy to this. I know as I even wrote a book about it called “Bye Bye Black Cat – Turn Your Luck Around And Realise Opportunities” This came from an innate desire to prove people wrong. |
SYLVIA FERNANDES
Sylvia is a qualified Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Trainer. She started her business in Sydney and is now based in Singapore. Archives
December 2024
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